Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
