your parents love me but you hate me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
