Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
