I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
