Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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