So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
