On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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