the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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