Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
