If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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