i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
