fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
