Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
