peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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