How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
