You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
