meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
