but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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