my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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