I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
