dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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