Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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