my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
