I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
