I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
