Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
