My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
