She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
