yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
