You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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