matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
