I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
