so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
