Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And then he peed in my hair
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