OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
