i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
