Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
