Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
third nipple confirmed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
