guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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