There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
