I faked an abortion last night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
