once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
