And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
