Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
