3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
