Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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