can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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