I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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