just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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