you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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