Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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