I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
