i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
