i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
