I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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