3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
