If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
